The 5 Languages of Self-Love

Self-love isn't something that we often think about, some may find this notion a bit unfamiliar so what is self-love?

We are all familiar with loving others, there are many sayings that you have to first love yourself before others can truly love you, that isn't entirely true but how do you learn to love yourself more?

There are 5 languages of love, these apply to others as well as yourself.
We tend to like them all however we will also tend to favour 1 or 2.
Knowing this will help you know what you need to do to learn to love yourself.

Quality Time

You value spending quality time with those you love or the things that you love doing. Your heart sings.
However, if you are not able to spend quality time with those you love you often feel dejected, flat, left out, unloved.

Physical Touch

Hugging, holding hands, sitting in close proximity with those that you cherish or value. This allows your heart to sing. If this is lacking then you can feel neglected, unwanted, unloved, isolated.


These don't need to be extravagant, more thoughtful - to show that the person has been thinking of you. Your favourite flower, colour, smell. It shows you that you are in their thoughts. A birthday card, on time, a trinket. Some people wouldn't be bothered if a card arrived late or not at all - but you might.

Words of Affirmation

Someone recognises and takes the time to tell you that you have done something well. They recognise and mention your strengths or a positive statement about how you look. This gives you an inner glow. If words are used as a constant negative then this can bring you down with a bump.

Acts of Service

You get home and the dishwasher is empty, or the dinner cooked after you've had a long day. These, often small, acts mean the world to you. It shows that they care about what is important to you. The opposite, you ask them to do a task whilst you are busy, they agree, then don't do it - this can be like a red rag to a bull.

So how do you translate this to yourself?

The first step is to recognise those languages that are more meaningful to you. Initially, this often shows up as a negative.
They're late again! You voice your disappointment and annoyance and how important time-keeping is to you. They agree to be more mindful and on time but the next time they are late again. You're fuming!
They've been on holiday and you're meeting them for a coffee, you expect a trinket, postcard or some memorabilia of the holiday but it's not forthcoming and this irritates you. You feel disappointed?
You have a busy schedule and your partner has a few days off, you leave a list of a couple of things for them to do that they have agreed to. When you get home, none of it has been done and they've been busy doing 'other' things. Recipe for an argument?
We could go on..........

Recognising what is important to you is the first step to being able to meet your own needs.

Using your own languages of love to meet your own needs creates abundance, health and happiness.

Read more here for steps to self-care

Nikki EmertonComment